🔗 Share this article

The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly kill any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {